Saiyon Haishi
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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Saiyon Haishi" journal:[<< Previous 25 entries]
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06:09 am
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System Shutdown!
I got hit bad by some adware and spyware last couple of days. After I cleaned everything out with Ad-aware and True Prevent I still got some hidden pop-ups coming from nowhere, enterupting me every 5 min. What was worst my cable internet slowed down to pulse almost dial-up connection. It started to be serious.
So I had to wipe my system, sadly things like this cant be helped. I shouldve been more causious. I was really wasnt thinking about it at the time, and I was working with high problable infectios programs. I'm up 6:30 in the morning...my system is like new...all I got to do is reinstall all my old programs and I really dont feel like it.
Blah. Whats really Important Im finally going to start posting a comic here. I got a few stories in my mind already. Actually about 3 or 4 of them. There not really big just something to keep my skills up. I dont want to work on my other projects, I've worked so hard on them I dont want to start any production Until I have every detail planned. Im still missing alot of plot holes...so I gatta fill.
So far I got:
Black & White - Still just an Idea. This story concentrates on a concept of the drawing style. I'll try to use solid black and white, nothing in between just plain solids. Its not that I want to try somthing new but the story refects the theme and atmosphere. To tell you the truth this story hangs on gore and insanity. Solitude and Darkness. I'll be tryint alot of nasty stuff...and some red for blood....thou I hope I wont have to use that much. Haishi (moi) will cast as the main character. Not refrencing anything I just gatta draw myself more. That includeds all other sotires.
Arc - Arc, a Seraphim Outcast. Based on alot of angel and heaven stuff...sins and whatnot. Still figuring this out. Agaim I will be the main chracter Im thinking more on the lines of Haishi I'll explain that later. I dont think alot of people would want to be in this one.
End Of All Times - Future/Medieval story. Alot shit in this one. Im focusing more on character devolopment rahter than story outline. There isnt a main character really, as for me...I'll be in there somewhere as Saiyon. I also have a good freind of mine Mega in there, cast as Don Dracon. Hell be an Assasin of a Dragon Order Dracul. I'll problably be doing this one, its alot more fun n' more experimental.
Arena - This one is more of a fighting type deal. Think of Street Fighter, Tekken and stuff brought onto real world highshcool drama. I'm not dreaming of supercool battles or steroid induced Dragon Ball z battles. Just battle drama. Cast is a made up of wahtever I can make up. IM not coming out in this one ...really I dont need to, Im not focusing on characters details just pase and detail of battles. ....If that makes sense o.O
Thats all of them.... I think....
I'll start on one of them. As I think right now with all the studying and chores. I'll problaly get a page down by then end of the week. Hoping for at least 3 pages a week. Thou I cant draw taht fast or make scripts for that matter.
Im casting myself in a few of these. Mainly because I need to draw myself a little more and because I really like that story and I'd like to be involved in it. In a certain way. I would realyl like to cast alot of my freinds perhaps even for a breif cameo or two. But I picture alot of contreversy. Of course Im just casting the likeness of my friends not their actual personality. Im thinking if I do put up their charcters in certain situation they might think im refering to them in their real world likenes. Which I wouldnt, there basically just actors and because I think it be fun and I wouldnt waste time trying to redraw a new character. I just need a likeness and some refrence. I know mega wont make a big deal about it....or maybe he willl but whatever he said it be cool, he liked the charcter hes casting as so I dont think he'll complain to much.
Thats that...I sleep now....7:11 in the morning...
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10:55 pm
[Link] | I havent Updated this baby in a while. Dont feel like typing right now really exhausted so I'll just put up some fill form type quizes.
This one here was funny.
Alls I can say is, thats interesting.
yay for quiz farm
| You scored as Soft. You are nice and soft, you love everyone and everyone loves you, while you are fiery or too exciting, you are always pleasant.
Soft | | 94% | Wet | | 75% | Sweet | | 75% | Exciting | | 69% | Hot | | 50% | Awkward | | 44% | Shy | | 13% | Violent | | 6% | </td>
What is your sexual style?
created with QuizFarm.com |
I took it again
Im sorta becoming a cam whore lately . Yay for pics. .....not!
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10:16 pm
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A sketchbook for me.
YAY!! I got a new sketchbook!! =D
I've been using these dollar sketchbooks lately. Paper quality really sucked. Erasing was even worst. I found myself drawing on line paper most of the time which was way better. Kinda sad at the same time to.
I got me a MEAD Academie Sketch Diary from Wal-Mart. There nice n' neat with 70 sheets of heavy weight drawing paper. Not alot of sheets but enough.
Though I've yet not found my sketchbook for me. I like those hard cover sketchbooks. Since I usally carry this thing everywhere the front and back covers start to tear off.
Another predicament is the binding. Usually the weak spiral binding twists and deforms which begins to rough the pages a bit when you turn to a new one. I would prefer a sort of a spiral comb binding with thicker metal wiring.
Alas I found the sketchbook for me....but there freaking expensive. covering from 15 to 20 bucks.
This is one of them...
This is the other more enviromental one.
How rich does one have to be to have a good quality sketchbook or as the english say doodlepad. =\
Its all brand marketing...dam you economy and youre branded consumer materials. All I want is a good sketchbook for me!! DAM YOU!!!!
Current Mood:  uncomfortable
Current Music: Gorillaz - Fire coming out of the monkes head
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11:45 pm
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Even the blood of the Godz cannot cure me...
Oh man I got a nasty cold last night. Somehow sleept with the fan in my face. I hate getting cold. Primarly because my snezzes is like Jack the Ripper himslef is stabing my back repeatetly. Seriously I dont know why but every time I sneeze I get strong sharp pains in my back and every one of my back muslces tense up. As if every nerve on my back initiates a pain reaction from the brain. So bad it can bring me to my knees. It lingers for awhile until my muscles untense. I cant take it, its horrible. Being shot with a bullet is better than these freaking sneezes. Problably I just been having to much stress.
I need a fukin massage. I dont care if I get addicted I need one.
Well anywho I found this online painting program. Art Pad. You paint in it and as you do it tracks everything you do. When you finish it and save it you can watch like a movie. Youre progress is recorded as you made the art piece. Its pretty cool. Thoug I still prefer Okaki programs than this one. This is just plain cheap. Even though you cant watch them there still way better.
But I gave it a try heres my painting. I call it Camougflage!!
http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?ilzd8hkwprg
I dont know I havent actually tried Tai-Chi to cure my cold. I heard it did work from this this Tai-Chi master I read about. Chi energy can heal wounds and perhaps malicious karma but can it cure viruses?? I will experiment... well tomorrow. Its the dead of night and Im tired.
Current Mood:  Morbidly Sick
Current Music: Lacuna Coil - Half-Life
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04:47 am
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A rant about my life: Anger
OMG like all of you should go to freaking hellzzzzz...double zzzz.
Okay so anyway. Lifes been a bitch lately. I find myself getting lazy as time continually runs. Im spending way to much time on my computer...seriously. I practically live at night. Im up till about 6- 5 in the morning dont wake up till like noon or maybe an hour after. The whole fact that Im waking up way afternoonzz of the day pisses me off. Like...no shit.
Doesnt help when this freaking room is hot 24/7. I need to keep the window open all day long or else I'll be having myself for dinner. The problem is I never really liked or will ever like my windows open. I like to have them nice and shut with big red curtains so no light gets trough.
Infact this whole house and living with my aunt isnt doing much for my anger.
Im becoming a demon. All this pent up anger and emotions, I just cant seem to deal with it. Its getting harder for me to conceal it from others. I loved myself more when I was a child. I was..well, well controlled. I was hardly ever angry...well its more of a temper issue really. It all started with my fukin step-father. He made my life miserable. He was never really much of a father figure. Or will he ever be. He always yelled at my mother for small inconsistent things. Its as if he thought he was perfect in every way, me and my mother were always left to take care of the little things he never did. Its hard to desrribe the angst the anger. To many years, to many feelings. He was the main cause of my anger issue. The rest is my family.
I'm never really thought of much in my family. I'm just some brat who will never get anywere. To say the least I stoped caring about my family long ago. I hate them. Perhaps not all of them. But they can really get to me. Im the youngest in the entire family, perhaps my cousin is too. Though he isnt really in touch with the family as much as I am. Me, well I was there every dam day. I was there trought everything, I absorbed every malignent comment. It hurt but now im used to it, but that doesnt mean I hate them more or less. They can go to hell for all I care. The one man I so dearly hate in my family is my uncle. Hes the main one really. Always roughing me up saying all this shit to me. I know I should stand up to him, but hell hes isnt the kindest of people. He wont givea second thought before he knockes my lights out. Hes a very big guy...strong guy. Has a temper as well...its very hard to get on his good side. If he has one.
And well me and the outside world. Some reason I dont get along very good with people. So much of teenage angst came from there. I never understood it really. Its like Im wearing a fukin hate sign. This has been in effect since my childhood I've alway had this problem. Somone or somebody ends up hating me. Then the whole fukin crownd turns. Another thing that has always baffled me. This "hate sign" I'de be waring only works on males. On the other hand I'd be having what you woudld call "pege" in the spanish language. Dont really know ow to define this,...oh wait girl magnet yes thats it. Yes I was...im still sort of am, but I sorta ran away from that once I graduated. Putty.lol. Thoug I really careless. But the constant attention from girls always left me baffled. Coming around my gradution I heard that at least 6 girls liked me. They were all in that military shit class. It bugged me really.
I do know this one girl who actually did hack at me. She was really nice, cool, and well kind my type...personality type to be more specific. It was hard to keep up, reall nothing really came of it. Kinda wish something did. But I really wasnt ready for it. Well that concerns me so...blah.
What was I getting at?....oh yhea anger. I have lots of it.
No really its pissing me off. YES, my anger is pissing me off!!!
To much shit to handle right now too. Every day is a little peace of hell. I try to hold it in, but when I do I sorta become distant. I daze out stare into the distance. I get pretty calm physically but in my mind im batlling demons. Life is good I accept that, but I can do with out the drama, all the angst.
Perhaps encagin my emotions is not the best idea. But thats how I learned to cope with it. Though its turning me into something I dont want or need.
There was someone who could easily cure me. I miss her.
Blah once again...Always do this I want to rant about something simple and I write a whole book on it.
See the west wind move like a lover so
Upon the fields of barley
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold
I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We'll walk in the fields of gold
We'll walk in the fields of gold
Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
Among the fields of gold
You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold
Song lyrics written by Sting. ...=P
Current Mood:  grumpy
Current Music: Sting -> Fields Of Gold
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01:41 am
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Behind My Name
Alright alot of people have always refered my name to derive from Dragon Ball Z. When in fact it has no relation besides the fact that Saiyon and Saiyan spell particularly the same. Now I am a fan of the Dragon Ball series. Though to good to be true the series is so long it bores me. Battles seem to take like 5 episodes each, and it seems to beat to its own frequent tune. Having similiar events or cause and effect. Bad guy tries to destroy the world, z fighters fight him/her. At some point there on the verge of defeat when suddenly by some out of this world power or special attack, they win. I really prefer Naruto over anything else. But I'll leave the anime talk to another entry.
When I made my name Dragon Ball Z is that last thin I had in my mind. If I think back to my younger years. Well which I call the pleasant years. I used to call myself Sayo. I really dont know why. I liked it in whatever way I made it up.
Sayo plain and simple. Years after, when I was more mature about things or stuff, whatever dont care for the syntax errors. When my troubles began and when my whole attitude on life was wanning. I stuck to the name The Darkness. Yes I was The Darkness. Since then I always enjoyed writing it out, the letters were fun to mess with. As well I labled everything out in The Darkness as I did with Sayo. Sometimes i'd have fun mixing 'em. Dark Sayo. Sayo Darkness. Though any of these were ever official. Years after, I think about freshman year. When the Playstation 2 was finally unveiled and released. This game come out for it. The Bouncer.
This specific character named Sion. Well need I say more. Now I never really played the game I just read about it. Though the characters name intrigued me. I wanted it. Thou I also wanted it original. Sion is pronounced more like (ci-un) but I pronounced more like (Sai-on). My freinds had corrected me many times. Though I decided to use it at my advantage. So I spelled it Saion, now I liked it but at the time I also liked Sayo. When I thought about it, It mixed perfectly Saion and Sayo. Just mix'em together, add the extra letters and you got Saiyon. Weeee and ever since then I been using it.
The origins of my name fortold....or told.....discussed....ranted. Whatever, get on whith youre lives.
Saiyon says:
I call my self the end of all beginings.
Megaman says:
and i call myself the beginning of all endings.
Current Mood:  aggravated
Current Music: Pink Floyd ->Time
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10:34 pm
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Summer's dream.
Stride within uneven streets. Blacktops, greyblue sidewalks and
crumpets of yellow. Stained colors, which match the briliance of the
rainbow. Stained and purged. Trough rain drops and into the sewers.
The dreams. The childlike dreams washed away. The colors which show
hapiness, glee, joy. Faded marks of disfigured green dinosuars. Dog like
aparations, a cat with a missing tail. And a portrait.
A family, of three. Small child with yellow hair, and pink dress sporting
a frown. Mother in a blue suit, hair tangled like a meatball ontop
of her head. No more like a volleyball. Then a father, I assume, a
deep green tie and the rest faded, washed, cleansed in red.
Another to the side. A tall girl with big round and angry eyes, sharp
triangular teeht, with an added touch of claws to her stuble stick like arms.
Eeverything is faded, drowned.
Swirls of black. Dirt, tar, grind, mud, dark stains flowing from tires.
Swirling in the joy in the rainbow. The dinosaur, the dog, the cat. The
child with blonde hair, Deep green tie, blue suits, angry eyes, claws,
frowns, and red colored srains. Swirling into darkness.
Washing away into the sewers of the deep. Cold deep darknees.
The cold piercing rain. Summers dream bound in the dark wheather.
Current Mood:  exanimate
Current Music: Pink Floyd - Paranoid Eyes
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03:57 pm
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Okay I got an idea...
Well I havent been drawing, and that in itself is unforgivable.
So I got a plan. From now on till I just dont feel like it, I
will draw a small comic and post it here on livejournal. Because
really Im to lazy to make a website. Well acutally I just about
given up since I couldnt load up my last website. Alright
whatever thats not the issue here.
So yes a comic, not necessarily funny or any of other comic
enthusiasm. Just something to keep me focused on my
drawing skills. If any.
Though right now its kinda of hard to think of a story.
And I dont really want use any of my other stories. Im
Thinking something midevil, fantasy-ish. You know were
some group decides to head out of an adventure of
somekind of who knows what the hell what. Maybe cause
they got tired of living in that shitty old village.
=P
Eh I'll think of something. I'll hopefully have a first
page by then end of today.
Current Mood:  discontent
Current Music: matchbox20 -> Rest Stop
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03:08 am
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Im tired....
Well today was very frustating. Getting tired. Mostly of old things that use to be new. Back when everything was just about right. Not to much stress, not alot of hassles. In some ways a little happy, glad. I was very happy. Today I just feel miseralble. I feel down....for no dam reason, and nothing is the same. Well of course with time everything changes.
But still I feel worn out. Draged and exhausted with heavy eyes. I feel like I been crying for days, my eyes feel irratated, dried out.
For some reason just now I felt like singing.
Eh well If I find something...I just might. Okay. nostalgia.
Looks like Im back into mist. The darkness. That little corner which I call the void. Were Im so alone. I sing alone.
Heh sounds like some kind of cheap haiku. Thou I have to admit I do feel alone. Very alone and atleast back then I had friends that would always cheer me up.Every day they would be there, all I had to do is hang around.
Now that I think about it. I dont know why I never grew attached to any of my freinds. But for some reason my freinds would be attached to me. I feel like I was everybodys best friend. At times I felt I was a whore or something. Everybody would talk to me at same time I wouldnt know who to answer first......this last year. I guess I sorta let everyone down, I feel like I abondoned them. One freind I problably do miss ....is whitenight. He was a very good freind. I hate to admit it. But I mention him above all of them..because...I can consider him as the best freind I ever had. Everybody else was always a bit higher and low down, but Drew would always be at the top. I now realize this and i still feel ever more miserable.
It be kinda hard to get everyone together around this time. Everybody has their own agendas it seems. Last freind I got together with, was Yamiko. Went to see Star Wars. The was joyful to some degree.
Well I dont want to sound like a whining pack rat. Leave it there for today.
Current Mood:  blah
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03:23 am
[Link] | So today I lost the will to write. Like I care.
Of course you dont mind. I know you wont.
If I just leave a couple of spaces to catch my breath.
Then again I'm just letting you know Im still alive.
Death and ashes. Its a mixture of
sadness. Pain from the selfish. Anguish
from the greedy. Pity from those that
hide their shame.I stand over the cliff.
And contemplate my death. Imagine
my body in a casket. Cold dead body,
rotting away as the others cry. As I
feed my yell for attention. The starving
munger of my mind. Satisfaction couldnt
be sweeter.Death as an added bonus
I suppose.
Look up to he sky. Fill my my soul.
As if I can feel the heavens.
Close my eyes and hear wispers from
the angels.Feel their watchful arms
enclose me in their warmth.
"Why" I ask. "Why wont you let me fly?"
okay so in the first testament(the old testament I mean)
god is vengeful and very mean. Very smightful I would say.
In the new testament hes suposedly a very good forgiving
goody-too-shoes. Okay okay okay parkay.....
...
Okay so I forgot were I was going with this.....
Anywho....ever hear the one about the jew, the jew and the gay guy?
No? Well...okay....just wanted to know....really...
*runs away with the spoon*
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12:09 am
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Another day, another dilema
Well it does seem like I made some progress.
I know this feeling. Why my chest is so heavy. Yes, I recognize what it is. Thou there is no reason for me to feel this way. No point, no purpose. In a sense I'm stuck in sanity of my own delusion. I understand yet I dont exacly understand, but I feel. A sense of regret. I should of done something but I dont know what. A sense of loss, and my body isnt coping well.
Im in the void. Lost in my own emotion, hyperventalating for a breath of fresh air. I shine equal to that of the morning sun. For a chance, for anyone to take notice. See me, take heed, and help. Peirce the darkness of this void.
Can I not be distinguished, can you not see the star over the night sky?
I feel alone, especially when everyone is around. Sing, play and dance. The melody of life hums in oure ears. Im left out, sitting in the outskirts of the camp fire. I hum along to the intone resonating from the sky.
Pastdue
I murmur a story about a child. One as happiest as the days is bright. No worries of the world as every child, at least should be. A happy child born to liar. Born from a star. A son whos morals grew high, and simply lives life as one should.
A child once striped of all that was good. Or that thought was good within his mind. Lost what may have been a gift. Born a new. Trough within found love, and was happy again. For it was no shame to find such another gift with out the first.Till once Striped again and forever scared. The child flew and sometimes cried. For that
sense of loss will never dissapear.
Constant bickering at face of demons.
Stories the child wrote and flew upon. But never overstayed his welcome. Cause till this day it seems the scars still burn and linger. To strenghten the will and encourage the soul.
the end blah blahblity blah leave it to the yak yakkity yak, yat yat yat?
Current Mood:  anxious
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11:32 pm
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Do you mind?`
Do you mind...I know I'm a bit over dramatic.
Sometimes melodramatic..mellow-dramatic...melo-dratic. The aether of this world.
Today I seem I abit down, a song to the town.
I bask in the night, do tell me whats right.
Whats wrong with a sin, If everyones the same?
My god I forgot to ryhme, what ryhmes with ryhme?
Rine?
Somthings wrong. Something bad is present within my surroundings. Or else my heart wouldnt feel this way. Once again i cant describe what this feeling is. Is it love? Is it fear? Or just plain nerves.
Is it hard to speak a word. When none speak are deaf and dumb, and feel pain more than torture. A preasure in my soul. In my chest. As I heave and breath, like a burn it lingers. From a fire I have yet to recognize. Somthing new, born, or created. It is there. I cant escape it. The darkness keeps closing in.
I expell my soul from there to here. Thou nothing ever leaves, entraped more than what has come. So on. As long. The pain still lingers and the fire burns.
I feel sad, down. Almost destroyed. Or is it that my mind is overwhelmed?
Depressed because I cant have, give or demand. Im dumb realistic loser. Psshhhh
whatever.
Just words to keep me tinking.
Thou I still do feel this pressure at my chest. I know exacly what it is. Why I feel and why I burn at this invisible fire. Why I dare not jump trough. Why? Why? Why? is a simple answer. To keep my sanity, just because I need a better challenge. So once again I keep my mouth shut. Just for heavens sake. Then again it burns so much....and the darkness calm and cold. Theres a reason why I keep in the fire. Why it lingers. With every breath it reminds me. That I yet dont understand. I dont recognize or realize. I need to learn and so I burn. Keep a away from the wanning darkness. This feeling will soon come to me and I will know what to do. For now just keep my mind focused. Attention forward and come upon the truth I yet not discovered.
 Okay so added that keep the mood up in here. Its all musty and depressing. Feelins scraped off walls. Residue of dark paint to hide and keep away......Im doing it again....XD
Current Mood:  guilty
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12:37 am
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Lost in my own mind of illusions
Why I think? I ask myself. Why? I'm crazy plain and simple. Theres so much riding my head at one time I feel my mind will explode. I think out of this world, farther than the perception of any human mind. I call it "Philosophy". Well at least thats what I make it to be. Anything ever thought in my head, I would know no one as insane as me.
I was proven otherwise. Now I dont know what to think. What to say. Well its not the fact of thinking the same thing. Right now its much more than that. Or maybe I'm just making a big deal out of it. Somthing much more than my mind can handle or am I having a stroke?....I ask to many questions. To myself. I'm problably lying on the floor my arm twiching like a live worm would on a fishing hook. Right now at this very moment, everything I know is an illusion. My mind will warp to various realms, my mind will find the very theme sought trough dreams and make them real. Everybody, places things, absolutely everything, is a fake. I wouldnt be able to trust myself, or trust my mind for that matter. How would one live in a world were you cant even trust youre mind. Like driving 150 MPH, blindfolded. You begin to relly on youre other senses. Other forms of survival. All because some little truth was teared away from you. You begin to understand, and tear away another piece of the truth. Now blind and deaf, what a terrible fate one could come by.And thats me, I feel useless, crippled.
Thou some how I feel happy. Because I just may have found what I been searching for. I may not know it, or refuse to see it. But I feel like I'm looking into the mirror. I found the other side to my shadow. I'm delighted, yet somewhat down. I cant seem, If I would ever find the right way to say what I mean the most, If I ever do or did. The words are chained down, I feel helpless, yet for some reason very happy.
Mind of an Illusion
Comprehension absentmindness
A little more a mind sickness
The worm that rots the brain
Now I know I've gone insane
Mellow the melody sings
Burn the dance of sin
Current Mood:  content
Current Music: Gundam Wing - Just Communication
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02:01 am
[Link] | Just cause I felt like writting whatever came to my mind.
So read more, if ya got the time it aint that long.
( Read more... )
Current Mood:  indescribable
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12:03 pm
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The city of the Red River.
Saiyonu
Gates wich kept these peasants from pain and torture. Gates of hell. The same gates that were torn dowm three weeks ago. Who of all men woulld betray their god? The question answers itself.
Chaos unleashed into town, evil spread to every corner of the village. And I was in the middle of it. Every step in this holy city was stained with blood, innocense wiped clean.It seemes as if I was stading in the center of the red river. The dead have somehow gotten their way across. The living, short lived. Their bodies, decor for any one who would appreciate it. Thou these bodies already dead, seemed somehow still alive. It was there hiding, someone, somebody, something, was feeding. This whole city was a plater. And these men were still alive, their own physical bodies their own cage. They needed to be freed, and there was nobody else here to save them but me.
I'd really care less, I owe these men nothing. This thing can keep on feeding for all I care. The exit was no more than ten feet away, so I walked on.
Intro bleh, I could do better.
-out
Current Mood:  thoughtful
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02:05 am
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Quiz
You are a Samurai.
You are full of honour and value respect. You
are not really the stereotypical hero, but you
do fight for good. Just in your own way. For
you, it is most certainly okay to kill an evil
person, if it is for justice and peace. You
also don't belive in mourning all the time and
think that once you've hit a bad stage in life
you just have to get up again. It's pointless
to concentrate on emotional pain and better to
just get on with everything. You also are a
down to earth type of person and think before
you act. Impulsive people may annoy you
somewhat.
Main weapon: Sword
Quote: "Always do the right thing.
This will gratify some people and astonish the
rest" -Mark Twain
Facial expression: Small smile
What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla
Current Mood:  busy
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09:38 pm
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Hells just aound the corner.
Weekends Recap:
LAST WEEK: My mother and I went to home Depot to pick up a Storage Shed. Since were moving out of my stepfathers house, we need room to store our stuff. Once the Home Depot guys got it unto my uncles truck we drove off my auts house, were we will stay for awhile. This shit was heavy I tell you, we had to open the boxes on the truck and move the shed peice by piece to where we were going to put it. We couldnt build it then cause we needed some tools, and we dont have any so we needed to buy some.
THIS PAST WEEK: Okay so we went to Home Depot to buy some an eletrical saw and a screwdriver.And I got some holders for my art pieces. We needed to buy some pallets to settle a platform were the shed will go. Then once again we needed to borrow my uncles truck to transport them. We drove all over town, till some lumber place agreed to give us a couple. So good we trew them on the truck and took them to my aunts house.
On sunday I needed to go try on a texedo suit for prom, and I went to play Lord Of The Rings Risk with Neko and Beaver.
(tooks some pics)
( Read more... )
NEXT WEEK: Got to prim have some measly pictures taken. Then go to my aunts house and build the shed. That isgoing to be one stressful week. -____-
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: L'Ard~en~Ciel -> Ready Steady Go
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12:31 am
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Work and more work....
What I'm currently working on:
~ Designing the Crimson List Website
~Hiashi Head pic for the Crimson list Main page
What I want to work on
~Write my stories
-Eternal Destiny (all of them)
-Crimson Kiss
-Haishi Saiyonu Story
-Zun Yun: Empire Reign
(In my opinion I will prblably never get these done, all thes total to 10 diffrent stories, eternal destiny having the most of course)
What I should be working on
~My Warrior manakin for art class
~Study for the great test ( Telecommunications contest)
Well thats that, I problably have alot more to do I just cant remember right now. All this work is pilling up on me. I hat the fact that sometimes i dont work on this stuff when I actually have the time to work. Intead I'm a lazy bastard. Wish there were two of me so that eighter I could get my work done faster or kick myself whenever I get lazy.
Current Mood:  chipper
Current Music: Modest Mouse -> Broke
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01:13 am
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Bask in the luxury of my defeat...
Current Mood:  amused
Current Music: Marron 5 -> Harder to Breath
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01:54 am
[Link] | And the serioudly long thing that well yhea I didnt post last time but I actually took again, because I was bored.....yes.
( Read more... )
Current Mood:  contemplative
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11:05 pm
[Link] | This is a shorter version, there was a longer one buuutt I'll post it later since I havent finished it.
( Behind the cut, clicky here. )
Current Mood:  creative
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11:25 pm
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March on to the end of times.
I'm back to the great or journal it seems. No more haiatus, or however you spell that. Roughly, if you spell checked my entire journal you would find 65% of it mispelled. Problably I type to fast to recognize it, or I'm too lazy to spell check. Mainly because this livejournal needs a decent spell checker. All the more reason I should be writting my journals in a Wordpad document rather than here.
And yes I am back, it seems the net has gotten the better of me. Caught me in its its web and now im staying. Well the better part of me,...hopefully. -___-;;;
And since I cant find something intellegent to say or at least bleed as I stab the drama queen for awhile. Heres those little questionares that you put up in youre "live" journal so that others can know about youre measly life and choke on it. So in then they can copy and answer the blanks with their own lifes as a refrence.
(30 min later)
.....uhhh this waill ake loneger than expected.....
Current Mood:  complacent
Current Music: some song of the night
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12:53 am
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The better life : part 2
Reading a national best seller is good. Yes, but reading live-journals is better. Though it sounds kinda wrong I hardly doubt it is. Read a couple entries and posts. While reading I've come to realize...why I'm like this.
Saiyon
The subject of love. A powerful subject and the only emotion that leaves me topside with a stomach full of agony. Yes its this subject, this very subject thats leaves me lost and confused. Love a powerful word witch is not meant to be used lightly. When they ask if any one of us in the crowd has experinced true love. I wont think twice to raise my hand. While the rest of the crowd have their arms tightly tucked by their sides. They may say I'm to young to have had experienced love. I think there wrong...or is it that I'm just that blind?
As a kid I never really cared for this thing called love. I've had at least one girlfriend before I actually experienced it. It was only a fling, kids...its a modern game, I guess. Even when I did face real love I didnt decide it on my own. It was my body that told me. Like youre body giving you a kick in the popper yelling out "HEY THIS IS LOVE YOU'RE FEELING, NOW DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!". Though most of us dont really listen, you decide its all bliss, lust, an enigma. No, I actually listend, and since that day my life has been better, more than I would ever imagine....Though today I struggle with it. Why? Because I am an idiot! No maybe not , maybe I'm just not worth it. No I cant say that eighter. Love cant be inital it has to grow,...somehow.
I realized love, it hit me like a brick to the face. My first intention was to kiss her right on the lips. From that day on I always loved her, though I wish I had realized it sooner. Perhaps we could have had more time together even if then we were just friends. Loves definition is hard to grasp. What it is and what is it made of. Love. I felt love even if it was miles and miles away. Its strange how love can grow so easyly. Yet it can be so hard to keep, to show, to leave an everlasting mark. The second love in my life was problably the most emotional one. Its hard to keep love when its so far away. You know you cant do a thing just sit there and hope she will be fine. Words are just not enough, you need to feel.
Perhaps talking about my past wasn't the subject of this entry. It spilled it out. Well just ignore it.
Like I said in my previous post I'm lost in thought, confused. Most of it a caused by the recent weekend I had. I know why I'm like this, I just wont say a thing. What I really ask is why does it trouble me like this. Why am I like this over something so simple. And why the hell do I even care!
I've experienced love twice. One taken away from me and not one thing I could do to stop it. I watched her leave my life in tears. Another I gave up because I could not watch her in pain anymore. As much I loved her, love wasnt enough. I gave her up so she could be happy, but even now I dont think she is. That very fact hurts my heart. So much pain that came from loving someone so much. Yet why do I still search for it. Unwillingly and unconciously and I dont realize till its to late.
Ive had a crush on a lucky little girl, but I never said a word to emphasize my feelings. And another that I still hate myself for and wouldnt dare to speak of it or curse myself an immortal doom.
Perhaps I really wont, this whole post was stupid. I dont even know why I wrote it.
So I still stand there my arm high up in the air. With every face and eye on me. Dont think twice nor do I regret.
The truth is...I'm lying. Well not in that context, I'm acting. Its just that...I really dont know. I could've gone right ahead and say it without having to write all this bull. Its not me, Its just the way my mind solves things. I act crazy because only then I can deal with it. Deal with whats wrong with me. Thats were most of my journals come from, the crazy side of me, its what keeps me stable. I wish I could just say it but I cant. I'm sorry for any of you out there who read this its stupid I know. I do this even at school. Its rare fo anybody to see my true self, when I'm "normal". I know some of you understand.
(not really a poem , just somthing I wanted to write)
My heart beats, so hard you can see my chest heaving.
Sweat drips from my forehead to my cheek.
Yet I cant say a word, am I nervous?
I stare for five seconds, and hope you wont notice.
I look away, you notice I know you do.
So I stare at the sky, at the stars.
I'm a sympathetic man.
A simple man with simple desires.
Easygoing and very understanding.
Why cant I show the world...
My world to you.
If you knew, youd ask "why is it so hard?"
I'd say, thats how I am...
Current Mood:  calm
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11:15 pm
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The better life
Youre body has certain ways of telling you whats wrong. Sometimes emotionally and at times physically.More than one way to tell youreself youre an idiot even if you havent realized it. Bleh , life could'nt get better could it?
Saiyon
You hardly ever get time for youreself same coinsidence you ever have anything going youre way. So rather than punching whatever blood is left in youre white knuckles into the wall. Sit down and read a good book. Nothing like sitting in the silence, youre mind drawn to the small expresive detail of every word paraphrased in a national best seller. I've had a lot of these moments, I enjoy them. Really dont know why. Lately I been irrated with alot of things that I cant find the reason for. I've been lost in thought, most of the time clueless. Just pondering, out of place, lost in an affinity of...well abselutly nothing. I'm blowing a fuse cause of it. Find myself angry over nothing and its pissing me off even more.
Count to ten...lovely advice...so I count. Counting 1...Counting 2...Counting 3...This weekend, well this week I was supposed to visit my bro in San Francisco. Would've of left right after computer class downtown, but he chnged plans. Turns out he couldnt get any vacation time for us to visit. So I fell back into safe-guard, other plans. A plan or more of an invitation. Wich I did'nt really want to go trough with, especially in my state of mental retardeness. Though I guess I had nothing better to do. Counting 4...Counting 5. So computer class went on, I got pissed becouse my mentors decided to change the website on us again, and to add more to the matter I didnt even get to design it. I was assigned research...Counting 6...Counting 7.
Alright so that was that and after a small chit-chat with my mom. The day went on with the small promise I made. Mega's cousin came to pick us up, I was going to hang with him for the weekend and meet his cousin.The day was cool, and to reveiw the day in a sentence. "After getting my ass handed to me in a chess game, we went to see Robots, wich still leaves me cliff hanged for unanswered questions though it was pretty halarious, after after that we went to the mall". Weee the mall as much as fun as the previous run-on sentence. A mildly stupified day with a touch of....well I'm not ganna get into that(not getting into alot of things, but you can live with that)Counting 8...Counting 9...Counting umm whatever comes after 9.
Uh anywho, the day could have gone better. A phrase witch is wildy overused. Why I use it? Cause I'm angry at myself and my wretched little mind. So I write here to let off some steam...Witch if I look at it now makes me look insane and even a little bit crazy. Dam my way of writting...-sigh-
Im ganna go read a book now. Hope I get rid of this fast, and I hope again its only phase.
Current Mood:  melancholy
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03:06 am
[Link] | I just noticed while skiming through my bio. The writting in the there is so bad I would try to kill myself by now. If a had any sort of killing device that is. I can easily compare it too 3rd grade writting assigments, sheesh. I'll consider remaking it this weekend.
Its 3 in the morning and I'm still up, For what? you say. Absoloutly nothing. Nothing!
I have no reason to stay up I just am. Weird, nah I slep from 6 to 6 yesterday, I cant really say I feel sleepy. Just a bit tired, over exhousted and restless.
Friday, no school today...I'd stay awake all night If I didnt have to wake up tomorrow morning. Might go to Mega's house tomorrow , plas some PSO. Game so new to me but I'm getting the hang if it.
...I been thinking about My_Dark_Side lately. I miss her so much, miss talking to her. I know I love her. Though sometimes I feel I'm blind, my mind can't solve this small enuendo. I feel, fell horrible. Then a couple of days ago, I gave Amanda a valentines. I was so dam nervouse I thought my heart was about to rip out of its cavity. My hand was shaking like a madman on speed. I hate myslef cause I never took the chance, I've a crush on her for the longest time...I need to call her. See how shes doing. I need to do something....
These are but small problems, and I hate them. Love, the only emotion thats worth living. Though sometimes its so hard to deal with, and we all fall in its suttle trap. Tears, tears are good, they carry alot of the pain away....
Current Mood:  restless
Current Music: Smile Empty Soul -> Bottom Of The Bottle
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